BEING DILIGENT IN A MINIMALISTIC WAY - have caught on to this phrase from a Formula 1 story on Ralf Schumacher, and of course the context is totally different, but yes, it can be applied to me right now.
I do not know how this phase started, but for a few years now, i've kind of drifted along, not acquired any new skills, not expanded my comfort zones, jut made do with what i have. Dabbled here and there, but never put my heart into anything.......and you know, this can result in slow, easy death of one's faculties.
Doing my best to come out of it, thought blogging would be one possibility I could explore, to do away with my stage fright when talking to an online faceless audience; give my opinions with conviction, stop feeling that i am not good enough for this or that.........and that there is a space for all to co-exist.
You don't follow my drift, hey, u are not supposed to, right, it is my stream of consciousness( Virginia Woolf style), constant pitter-patter of my thoughts, unedited, scrambled, running from one point to another, jumping time, continents, flitting here-there like a giant monarch............ random, erratic, pulsating, etc, etc,whew!!!!.
Which makes me think, when will i ever be content with the way i am, and accept situations as they are, instead of trying to fight, resist, sulk, cry, or be obsessed about things beyond my control.
Honestly, do u think I'm verbose, i think so with all these words, but look -that's my style, and all those buyers at gaf had better acknowledge and appreciate that, which other market trades at $2 for a 500-worder. am venting my angst at some service cartel i did some work for now and then...and like always have a pointer or two for all my employers if only they have the good sense to take it - in the right spirit! all employers seek to exploit, that is the cardinal rule and selling your soul till age 60 - well, the world seems to be ok with that!
ok, there i go again, all over the place and yet nowhere!!! bet u don't even know who i am. idea is, u don't need to or maybe want to. tell me something about urself - i find that the most difficult question in any situation, a job interview, a general introduction, profile qn....
there is no me, as in me is this, that, and that. me is changing, me is a daughter, me is a wife, me is a mother, me is a friend - most of the times. me is nice, friendly, ambitious, lazy, meticulous, crazy, rebel! me is a book lover, slapdash home maker, me is a good cook. me is spiritual, me is out of shape, me is struggling with french!!!!
but maybe just then, me wants to be free of definitions, absolute of all earthly relations, conventions! me wants to be unchained, liberated, free, rise above all ties, expectations! so, in that second or minute, me is (shrug) perplexed, me gives out a few adjectives and gets done with it!!!!
so, as i was saying, redefining is not as easy as you may think it is. There are so many things to consider that I just go around in circles. or i spread myself too thin. imagine attempting to take care of an energetic 7 month old, and learnign French, as well as trying to understand the basics of software testing (for lack of anything else)....... and of course managing household chores, keeping the wooden floors dust and blemish free......... You have no idea just how much dust can enter into a house with double glazed windows and which is kept shut like a matchbox in the face of some crazy climatic conditions in this place. Cleaning cannot be skipped at any cost.
Well, of course then, redefining kind of takes a back seat, maybe its not the right time yet, i think, as i once again juggle between spontaneous dancing (to keep baby amused) and mind the spluttering in the saucepan too. Oh damn, does the phone have to ring now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment