as i grow older, i surprise myself in my reluctance to change....... yet when I am confronted with it, I take to it like a duck to water. All new stages in my life, I have been a bit bewildered, a bit hesitant to accept what comes next, but when it did, and many times unannounced, with no preparation, sure it was not such a big deal.
Work life, marriage, and parenting now............... juggling a myraid of roles and relating - mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, neighbour, yes........it can all co-exist.
Which brings me to the stage in my life which I am currently grappling with. Really, so many people love the concept of living abroad, and make the most of it. I think it is the change that excites them. In my case, it has not been so. First, it was my coming to Belgium in an advanced state of pregnancy (7 months plus), and spending an anxious first month getting my paperwork in order to get myself registered in a hospital. Then from day one that I landed, my husband who was starved of home food wanted me to make up for the last few months by cooking some elaborate Indian meals. Instead of gettting the pampering I deserved, so far away from everything, I was spending long days amongst the empty walls of an apartment, in a small village close to Brussels, unfamiliar sights, strange smells, a different way of living,................ my only company was my unborn baby whose kicks reminded me I wasn't as alone as I thought.
Resilience, my friend. And then you can even make a home on the ice blocks on the Arctic. We discovered that culinary delights of India are not too far away and there are grocery stores - Indian, Paki whatever u call them. My first visit there was like a visit to one of the Wonders of the World. The local GB, ALdi were woefully inadequate to the food habits of an eggetarian Indian. Aata, dal, rajma, kabuli chana, hmm, some of this khada garam masala! look, they have frozen methi too, karela and papads, yum!!!! I think this was my first step towards settling down. Also, the knowledge that the cosmopolitan Brussels, with all its noise and colours, not unlike the Bombay I had left behind is not far, made life here a bit more acceptable.
I'd say a bit, because I still feel that I do not belong. Unlike India, one does not knock on one's neighbours door and stand in the common veranda for a chat. But yes, unlike India, it is expected that you smile and nod at most people you pass by. I don't belong to any formal-informal association. My biggest social visits are to the grocery stores, where I get to practise my French greetings and numbers. Since we don't have a car, these visits are go empty handed with baby and come back laden like a pack-horse, 'coz tomorrow, you never know what the weather is like. I have stayed almost an entire month at home last December. No New Years for me.
And then IKEA, I must admit I have spent hours going through the IKEA catalogue sighing wistfully at stuff I of course would not buy for my temporary residence here, but that which would look so good in the living room or kitchen back home. My all-too-few visits there in Martin's car (my husband's friend who kind of adopted us) were like letting a kid free in a candy shop. Inspite of diligently marking stuff in the catalogue at home, I would stare wild-eyed at stuff here, making my hubby and friend impatient over my ditherings. I also remember, my last visit there before my baby was born, I could hardly walk and I just pointed to the crib i want and spent rest of my time at the cafetaria seeing the world pass by.
Language, the biggest barrier and something I am still trying to overcome. ok, ok, i know vanavond is today, straaks is next, and morgen is tomorrow from TV, but come on 8 months to decipher this basic Flemish is a lot. Not that my French is much better, mind you. The conjugation of avoir and etre is still a code I am trying to crack.
Which of course makes my chances of finding a job here next to impossible. Ca va, bon soir, moi petit fille, and sil vous plaits, don't expect any accents, that stage is far away. but i am working towards it................
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